Walking Heals My Soul
17 November 2024
When you feel like the walls of life are closing in on you, it can be suffocating. Mental health is a tricky devil to co-exist with. You can often find yourself shutting down, emotionally and physically - procrastinating on your dreams & hours of emptiness engulf your thoughts. I know that I am not alone in feeling like this from time to time. If you have done any self development work, you know that it is a never ending job, your world continues to change and you have to evolve in the same way too.
Trying to find your ‘umph’ to get going again can be difficult. Pressing the reset button can be hard when you don’t know where to find it. Making an effort feels like a gargantuan task. However, the one thing that never fails to help me realign myself, assists in setting the button and giving me the brain space to be able to think clearly and it’s simple and free to do. It’s as simple as putting one foot in front of the other - walking.
Walking is my go-to healer. If I can actually get somewhere with grass, trees, lakes as well as fresh air - that’s’ even better. Nature truly does heal my soul.
Walking doesn’t have to be a strenuous hike, it can be just a stroll, a mooch along a path, the point is that you are still moving along - a life analogy if you will - you never stay still in the same place. The physical health benefits are undeniable, it’s exercise, improving your cardiovascular fitness, strengthening your muscles and bones, which at my ripening age is always a good thing. It helps to prevent heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure.
Walking can also introduce you to new places, and you never know what you will discover. I took a stroll around Mallards Pike in The Forest of Dean a couple of days ago. Not only did we bump into other walkers, but the wildlife was all around us, including a Robin who followed us along the trail for a few minutes. The highlight for my horse loving daughter was a carriage-rider and a friend taking advantage of the fine weather and taking a trip around the paths. They even stopped so we could video them and have a quick cuddle with their pony.
Walking and Talking Therapy became popular during Covid, it allowed counsellors to continue to work whilst adhering to the social distancing rules. Being out in the open, many patients found it easier to process their thoughts and communicate their emotions without being in a stifling clinical setting. It has continued to gain momentum and this is one of the main reasons that I will be organising wellness walks with Warriors4Wellness on a regular monthly basis. Where I am located in Gloucestershire, I am blessed to be surrounded by incredible countryside and walks that aren’t too strenuous but offer a relaxing environment to walk & talk with like minded people. If you have read more about myself on my website you will see that I have taken a number of mental health courses, which helps me to facilitate this forum for everyone to feel comfortable and hopefully lighter and brighter by the end of our session.
Friendships - Our Lifeline
7 November 2024
Friends have always been an integral part of my wellbeing. I embrace these relationships and treasure them. My friends are my chosen family and I know how very lucky I am to have these incredible people in my life, not everyone gets to have this. I have always placed a high importance on my friendships, and no matter what has been transpiring in my world, try to ensure that I prioritise these people and let them feel as supported by me as I do by them.
For a very long time I was bedbound with a chronic illness - Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, I was unable to go out very often, and truthfully my friends were my lifeline. They kept me going, treating me no differently because I was poorly and even though I often had to cancel plans at the last minute, they still continued to send me invitations and make me feel included.
Friendship is built on the strong foundations of trust. Knowing that regardless of whether a friend agrees with your actions or opinions, they will always have your back and support without judgement. Honesty is another essential quality in a good strong foundation of friendship. To be able to be transparent with your thoughts and emotions is a gift that you can never take for granted.
During my darkest days, when I wasn’t living a life anymore, I was concentrating on survival until I hit rock bottom. Many of my friends had watched my decline from the sidelines, waiting but not hoping that one day I would find the strength to make the changes to my life. I remember vividly when I rocked up to my friend's business having made the decision that I was leaving my husband and she broke down in tears - the relief was palpable. This was the time when I realised just how very lucky I was. My tribe had always had my back, each and every one of them supportive, understanding and came to my rescue time and time again, when I had to deal with the domestic abuse situation that only amplified when I fought back. They rallied around me and my girls. They helped me navigate the strange new reality of single life and being a responsible adult - OK well they knew that this wasn’t going to happen, but they guided, advised, supported and loved me, encouraging me to embrace my new life. They also offered a safe harbour for my girls to vent, cry and talk about the traumatic time they were experiencing too - I love each and everyone of them for being there for me and my girls - that’s the embodiment of true friends.
Where have I met these friends? Over the years, I have collected what I like to refer to as ‘my specials’ from school, throughout my different career roles, mums from school and horse owners. I am blessed and lucky to have these people in my life. I don’t take a single one of them for granted, each brings so much joy and happiness to my world and we forge forward together tackling the evolving challenges that life throws at each and every one of us.
I do realise that not everyone is in the same position as I have been. And regardless of my ‘specials’ they each have their own lives, commitments and responsibilities. Whereas my life has changed in unrecognisable ways. When my life did a 180 degree change, I found myself, despite having amazing people around me, lonely and lost. I now had time on my hands, evenings free and perhaps what most people might term as ‘empty nest syndrome’.
This is why I believe so strongly in my dream of creating a Friendship Club, a safe community to make connections, socialise, share and have fun. I genuinely believe that there are a lot of people out there, who find themselves feeling a little lost and yes lonely. Their children may have left home, they may have relocated, they may not share the same interests as their partner, or like myself their life has changed so much, it's hard to know where to meet like-minded people. In this age of social media, there are also a lot of unhinged people who take advantage of kind empathetic people (I learned this lesson the hard way and I will be writing another blog post detailing this experience), it adds to the vulnerability and insecurity of putting ourselves ourselves out there in order to make new friends.
So Warriors4Wellness is launching an Exclusive Friendship Club, if you are interested in becoming part of the gang, then please just get in contact www.warriors4wellness.co.uk
My Mum Your Dad - Dating in Your 50's - 7th October 2024
.If you are anything like me, this program touched your heart in many ways. Perhaps you were able to identify with the brave parents who put themselves & their vulnerabilities on to the screen for us all to share, or enjoyed the genuine warmth and friendship that the group of strangers created within a very short period of time. I thought - what a genuine authentic bunch of human beings.
The group hit on so many aspects of growing older and becoming single later in life. It touched on the emotions of a changing reality as children, friends and careers evolve and the inevitable effect it has on our life.
I found myself in a similar position when I ended a 30 year relationship and marriage. Negotiating the fallout, complexities and animosity during the process was one battle, however the more challenging aspect was learning how to live on my own, live my own life and be single. I had never lived on my own before - the prospect was daunting but at the same time I was experiencing a new freedom I had never known, it was just a matter of learning new skills and a massive adjustment.
We don’t stop evolving, just because we get older. If there is one thing that is guaranteed in life it’s an ever changing narrative. After putting our children, responsibilities & commitments above ourselves for years, it’s easy to forget how to actually be ourselves, our true selves as individuals sometimes get lost in a blackhole. Activities or hobbies that we used to enjoy get put aside, because time hasn’t allowed it to be part of our ongoing world. We can also forget who we are - who is this aged 50 something person that looks back at me in the mirror, we can ponder over the lost years, but I try not to go down that particular rabbit-warren of memories. It’s about embracing the new opportunities and how to find them.
Like many in my position, I felt ready to start new relationships and make up for the lost time. However, the dating game was now an unrecognisable entity. There didn’t appear to be any ‘places’ where you could naturally come into contact with potential suitors. Apparently dating apps were the way forward. There are a huge number promising to match you with your perfect partner ‘on paper’. Some charge you, others offer the service for free. I created my profile on several of the sites and decided to launch myself wholeheartedly into the dating world.
What did I discover? Honestly, this was where the sheer insanity really started to gain momentum. Swiping should come with a health warning - this could lead to the real possibility of repetitive strain injury. It felt surreal, trying to gain some insight of a person through their profiles. There were a lot of men (in my case), who would start up conversations which very quickly turned sexual (not attractive), there were others you felt you were building a connection with, only to be ghosted unexpectedly. I did meet a couple of genuinely lovely people, however, regardless of age, you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince.
I decided to take myself off the market again, take 6 months for myself, no men, no disappointments, no putting myself out there. All the dating apps were deleted and the relief was instantaneous. During this time, one of my best friends wanted to introduce me to someone she felt was ‘made for me’. I resisted for weeks, but eventually her perseverance (nagging) wore me down. Seems my friend is actually a fantastic match-maker and I have found someone who is my best friend, my partner in adventures and my soulmate - we were literally made for one another.
Being older doesn’t change the way love feels. That’s something that has surprised me. The ‘feel factor’ isn’t age related, it’s down to you as a person. Maybe being aware of your love language with experience helps you to identify what you need in a new partner, but it still feels the same as it did when you were a teenager - the butterflies in the tummy, the excitement of seeing them and the sadness when you are apart.
Looking back over my ‘dating’ experience, I genuinely believe that there are a lot of people who find themselves lonely trying to establish new lives, later in life. I think dating apps are inherently full of people who don’t actually want a relationship, but who miss the connection, friendship, banter and interaction with other humans. This is when my idea to form a Friendship Club began.
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